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Five Years Ago

Not a terribly original blog post title; I’ve certainly done better. But this week five years ago was life changing for me and many others I know, which makes the title rather insignificant, but the subject very significant.

Five years ago this week, my first husband was home on hospice. He came home on 2/21/2010 and he passed away on 2/28/2010.

So this is a tough week for me. And I imagine for others but right now I’m being selfish. Because I’ve learned since then that I can.

When I need to.

When I want to.

I miss the cranky curmudgeon, I really do.

I miss the look in his eye when he was up to something.

I miss his telling me, “I can cook, I did just make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich you know.”

I miss his tell-it-like-it-is honesty (even though sometimes it was a wee TOO honest).

I miss his handsome being, the tan man, the sun god himself.

I miss listening to his debates with my best girl, CP.

I miss hearing him giving his best buddies grief about anything and everything. Because there wasn’t anything that wasn’t fair game for him.

I miss giving him long hugs until he squirmed (he wasn’t a particularly demonstrative man; so I purposely did that to him).

And as much as I’d love to hug that big lug again, I don’t wish he could be here.

Yes, dear reader, you’ve reached the selfish part.

I feel deep down he is thrilled where he is. I think life in general was frustrating for him sometimes.

But now he’s got a great cribbage partner because my Mom passed away last August 31, 2014. So you know he’s digging that. They got along spectacularly well, especially when it came to playing cards. He really respected her knowledge and expertise.

And he wasn’t always the happiest camper in life, so I also think he’s found peace and happiness.

I’m no longer sad about his passing, I’ve moved forward from sadness. Rather, I have nostalgic moments where I relive our good times in my mind and they make me grin like a little kid (some memories I’ve even shared with Sugar).

And I, too, have found peace and happiness.

Tenfold. Twentyfold. Pick-a-number fold.

What’s my peace and happiness? My loving and sarcastically kooky husband, Sugar, whom I married just over 2 years ago – he makes me feel so loved and appreciated; he even makes me laugh so hard sometimes that my stomach honestly hurts.

I sometimes almost can’t believe I’ve been blessed twice in my life with such wonderful men.

Dear Frank – 

I think of you more often you might realize. And Sugar has said he thinks you would have been a cool guy to hang with. He’s certainly not wrong about that.

Keep playing cribbage, some day Mom will let you win. 

All my love, 

Cakers

Frank Spicer, MN 2005

Frank2 Silver Bay, MN 2009

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